Why Knowing What to Do Isn't Enough to Change Your Behavior

Many of us can identify something we want to do differently.

We want to stop procrastinating, have difficult conversations rather than avoid them, respond more calmly under stress, or follow through on goals we set for ourselves.

We may understand exactly what needs to change. We may even have a plan for how to change it!

Yet when the situation presents itself, we often respond in the same familiar but unhelpful way.

Why?

For more than a decade, I have helped clients understand this question. I've worked with people who recognize their behavioral patterns and genuinely want to change them, yet find themselves repeating the same actions.

What interests me most is not only why people develop these patterns, but what happens when they try to behave differently. The internal stuck sense, overwhelm, frustration and fear is all too real.

The gap between intention and action

We often approach behavior change as a problem of information or motivation.

Think “I don’t know enough” or “I’m just lazy”.

If someone understands the benefits of a behavior, recognizes the consequences of continuing an existing pattern, and genuinely wants to change, it seems reasonable to assume that a different outcome should occur.

But intentions and actions are not the same thing.

Research on this has long documented what is known as the intention–behavior gap: people do not always act in accordance with their stated intentions, even when those intentions are strong.

Understanding why requires us to look beyond what someone wants to accomplish and examine the conditions under which the desired behavior must occur.

What happens at the moment of action?

Consider a manager who knows that delegating responsibilities would benefit their team.

They understand the value of giving employees autonomy and have every intention of stepping back.

But when a deadline approaches and uncertainty increases, they begin checking everyone's work, requesting frequent updates, and taking control of decisions they previously agreed to delegate.

Their understanding of effective leadership has not disappeared.

What has changed is the situation in which they are attempting to apply it.

Delegating now involves a very real felt sense of uncertainty, vulnerability, and a perceived loss of control.

Micromanaging provides immediate relief from those uncomfortable feelings, even if it undermines the manager's longer-term goals.

This example illustrates an important possibility: a familiar behavior may serve an immediate psychological function that competes with a person's stated intentions.

However, we should not assume that every instance of micromanagement is driven by anxiety or discomfort. The manager may also face unrealistic deadlines, unclear responsibilities, inadequate staffing, or organizational incentives that reward close control.

Understanding the behavior requires investigating both the individual and the environment.

The immediate experience of behaving differently

One aspect of behavior change that deserves greater attention is how a new behavior feels in the moment.

Imagine someone who habitually avoids difficult conversations.

They recognize addressing a problem directly would improve a relationship or work environment. They understand what they want to communicate and how they would like to approach the conversation.

Yet when the opportunity arises, they experience apprehension and go quiet.

They may anticipate conflict, rejection, embarrassment, or a deterioration of the relationship.

Avoiding the conversation provides immediate relief. Having the conversation requires them to tolerate an experience that feels uncomfortable or threatening.

The familiar response may therefore remain appealing, even when the person understands its longer-term consequences.

When discomfort is involved, providing more information about the benefits of change may do little to address what is actually preventing the desired behavior.

The person most often already know what they want to do!

The challenge lies in what happens when they attempt to do it.

Understanding the function of a behavior

When investigating a behavioral problem, I find it useful to move beyond asking why someone is not performing the desired behavior.

Instead, we can ask what their current behavior accomplishes.

I often ask clients “What do you get out of x behavior?”

After a quick answer of, “Well nothing”, clients state they feel safer, better about themselves or more in control.

This deeper understanding of their seemingly “irrational” behaviors are illuminating for clients and sometimes help to reduce shame and feelings of inadequacy.

This perspective is not intended to justify behavior or suggest all behavioral patterns serve a protective function.

However, it helps us identify the mechanisms that may be maintaining a behavior so an intervention can address the actual obstacle rather than the behavioral symptom.

From understanding behavior to designing change

Once we identify the deeper motivation behind a specific behavior, we can begin addressing the source.

Interventions, such as EMDR therapy, allow clients to let go of ways of responding to present situations that feel similar to past traumatic experiences or unhealthy attachments.

Garnering a deeper understanding of behaviors offers a more nuanced approach as opposed to “work harder” or “increase your self care”.

This goes without saying, but the effectiveness of any proposed intervention must then be checked and evaluated rather than assumed to be effective.

A question worth investigating

Organizations regularly encounter situations in which people understand what they are expected to do but do not consistently follow through. The application of clinical understanding aimed at expectations and outcomes is sorely overlooked in traditional data driven methods. The human experience is complex, but understanding it more deeply is paramount in changing behavior and outcomes.

Employees attend leadership training but revert to familiar behaviors under pressure. Customers intend to complete an important process but abandon it. Patients understand health recommendations but struggle to incorporate them into everyday life.

These situations are not necessarily caused by the same underlying mechanisms.

What they share is a need to investigate the gap between intention and action.

Before developing another training program, providing additional information, or asking people to try harder, we can examine what happens when they attempt to perform the desired behavior.

What are they experiencing? What are they responding to?

What does the familiar behavior accomplish or feel familiar to?

Understanding those questions may help us develop interventions that address the actual barriers to behavior change.

Because knowing what to do is only one part of the process.

The more interesting question is what happens when we try to do it.

Blake Watterworth, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor | Applied Psychology, Human Behavior & Behavior Change